Trauma Is Not Only The Bad Things That Happened, It’s All The Good Things That Didn’t

I have always struggled with expressing my childhood trauma to others since it does not come across “terrible enough”. I lived with both of my parents, went on vacations occasionally, and always had food to eat.

Part of me always thinks that there is no childhood trauma to begin with and that maybe I was part of the population who just could have had a better childhood.

It was only until a few days ago that I came across a TikTok therapist say, “Trauma is not only the bad things that happened, but it’s all the good things that didn’t”.

It was then at 2 a.m. in my NYC apartment that it hit me. I didn't have to undergo a horrifying, life altering experience (e.g school shooting) for me to accept the fact and prove to others that what happened and -arguably- what didn't happen in my childhood caused me trauma that still effects me today.

There is much that I have to unravel with a therapist but one of the most annoying and probably the most tell-tale signs that there is trauma inside me is the inability to recall much of my past. Now, you may be asking- well if you don’t remember anything, how did you come to the conclusion that you underwent traumatic experiences in your childhood?

As it is with other diagnoses, like PTSD, my past comes back in flashes like daydreams, or resurfaces all at once at times of stress. Although there are major holes in my memories- which causes me a lot of sorrow- I can deeply feel the pain that stems from the absence of tenderness and the presence of animosity.

If there is one thing that I truly believe and would like to scream on top of rooftops like the crazy New Yorker I am, it’s: your trauma is real, your trauma is valid, and your trauma does not have to be justified.

I hope this article inspires you to find the things that will help you get through the tough days and maintain your happiness through the better days. It is important to break the stigma around mental health and be vocal about the pain and difficulties you are facing.

As always, you matter, you are important, you belong, and you are loved. Better days will come and I can’t wait to experience them with you.